The futile thing about asking how

A self-promise to let go

A symptom of being stuck, for me, is asking ‘how’ repeatedly. 

How do I take the next step?

How do I build my career?

How do I shape the life I want?

Alongside my appeals to search engines, I’ve put how-to questions to people—how do you find time for creative work? How did you meet your partner? How do you make it through the day?

And I’m not alone. Our culture is obsessed with the question of how. How to get rich, how to find your passion, how to parent, how to get famous, how to be more productive, how to be healthy, how to be attractive, how to be happy. 

Yet, even after asking what must be thousands of iterations of the question across my projects, podcast and book, I often need to remind myself that the most inspiring answers don’t usually come from asking how. 

This may be because such questions are often futile. Asking how can be a way to attempt to control the uncontrollable.

Instead of simply being in it, we can get caught in a loop of overthinking the how of life. I’m reminded of a…