On making the most of things

Notes on wistfulness and the pressure to be in the moment

“Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?”

— Tennessee Williams

1.

Each year when the wisteria starts blooming, I’m overcome with a feeling of longing. I want to catch each glorious drooping bundle and somehow gobble the lot, and at the same time preserve the flowers in their full magnificence forever.

Inevitably, the season passes and all I’m left with is a wistful feeling. I liked the thought that wisteria was named after this very longing for something impossible or past. But it turns out it’s in memory of the anatomist Caspar Wistar, the misspelling only for euphony.

Still, the way that wisteria climbs, twining its stems around any available support, almost tells me it knows this want to catch on to something.

2.

Things that have made me feel wistful recently:

A slice of the most delicious lemon cake.

A lover tilting my head and kissing my forehead, my brow, my eyelid, my cheek.

A drive with a friend at sunrise with the sky blushing pink and orange.

Such beautiful things can sometimes stifle me. It’s as if the pressure to seize the moment has me mourning its passing even before it’s over. I become so preoccupied with how to make the most of things, that I miss being in the moment.

3.      

How many times have I reached for my phone to take photographs I’ll never look at again instead of simply soaking in somethings beauty?