Keeping up with things
A lost art, day-makers, and joyful predictions
When writing about the lost art of sitting around last week, it struck me that perhaps we are not so much hungry for more connection, but rather more intimacy.
I find it interesting that we often say “let’s catch up” as a default because it implies we are somehow behind. I know in my most cherished friendships, we don’t catch up, but keep up. Even if we haven’t spoken for some time, it still feels like we are running alongside each other. There’s a feeling of being embedded in their life, and compelled by the minutia.
A catch up often feels like getting the news bulletin of someone’s life, whereas when we keep up with things, it allows us to create new memories. There’s space, time, intimacy.
In the latest article for my project A social life, with friends, I share several ideas for keeping up with people. Here’s just a few relevant snippets from the essay that can be applied to a variety of meaningful yet often overlooked things in our lives:
1. Do something low pressure yet regular
Setting a regular time or location for keeping up with friends or a project can create rhythm, but ensuring flexibility allows things to expand and contract with your schedule, energy and attention.
2. Embrace purposelessness
Be it moments of ‘doing nothing’ with friends or an afternoon faffing, sometimes the truly purposeful—intimacy, deep reflection, epiphanies—are found in the supposed purposelessness.
3. Beware of “later”
We think we have more time, but we really only have this moment. We keep up with things by seizing what’s in front of us—be it a chance to have a chat, to ask a question, or do a little bit of work on the important thing, rather than waiting for the elusive “later.”
Read the full essay on keeping up:
The lost art of sitting around →
Like a Small Café, That’s Love
by Mahmoud Darwish
Translated by Mohammad Shaheen
Like a small café on the street of strangers—
that’s love… its doors open to all.
Like a café that expands and
contracts with the weather:
if it pours with rain its customers increase,
if the weather’s fine, they are few and weary…
I am here, stranger, sitting in the corner.
(What color are your eyes? What is your name?
How shall I call to you as you pass by,
as I sit waiting for you?)
A small café, that’s love.
I order two glasses of wine
and drink to my health and yours.
I am carrying two caps
and an umbrella. It is raining now.
It is raining more than ever,
and you do not come in.
I say to myself at last: Perhaps she who I was waiting for
was waiting for me, or was waiting for some other man,
or was waiting for us, and did not find him/me.
She would say: Here I am waiting for you.
(What color are your eyes? What is your name?
What kind of wine do you prefer? How shall I call to you when
you pass by?)
A small café, that’s love…
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